Paying attention

Recently a friend of mine was at a local park with her two small children when a man started making her very nervous. He sat in a parked car, twisted around in his seat and staring, just staring at the children and parents in the park. 

    She approached another young woman in the park with a child. "Do you know that guy?" she asked.

    "No. But he is creeping me out!!!!"

    She approached the other parent, a dad. "Do you know that guy?"

    He glanced over, shrugged, shook his head, and went back to playing with his son.

    And there it is: an important difference between men and women. Women are generally very aware of their surroundings because they grow up learning that they need to be. Men are often oblivious.

    Okay, I overstate it, but there is a difference. I walked home from a yoga class at 7:00 a.m. last week and saw a man sitting on a bench in the block ahead of me. Without even thinking, I turned and took a different route. It wasn't until after I reacted that I thought of my reasons. Why was he sitting there? He wasn't in workout clothes, looking as if he were taking a rest. What was he doing there at 7:00 a.m.? Something seemed off. Yet I know my husband wouldn't have taken the same action I did.

    Women learn to pay attention. We see a group of men on a city street corner, and we cross the street so as not to pass by them. We are aware of guys paying too much attention to us, guys looking out of place. We know that we are vulnerable.

    That's why, I think, the father in the park was oblivious to any danger. He hadn't grown up learning to pay attention.

    And he was wrong not to pay attention. My friend and the woman memorized the man's license plate number, took their kids and left, then calling the police. It turns out their description perfectly fits the description of a man who got out of a car at a different park recently, wearing no pants, and approached a nine-year-old girl. He lurks near parks, and the police are hoping to catch him. The women's observations have given them a real lead on the guy.

   It pays to pay attention.