It is a sad day for me. After reading and hearing all the political news of the past few days, I have had to face the fact that I can never run for political office. I simply have too many questionable associations. I will confess the worst of them now.
I have associated with known terrorists. For a couple of years when I was a kid, my bus driver was Cameron Bishop, who was later charged with dynamiting electric power lines that supplied defense plants. He was on the FBI's "Most Wanted" list for years. I rode the bus with him every day, and I had a terrible crush on him. (I was very jealous that he paid so much attention to an older girl named Nelda.)
But it gets worse. While I didn't know he was to become a terrorist when he was my bus driver, I was very aware of it when I chose to date a boy who lived across the street from Bishop's family. (Secretly, I kind of hoped they never caught Bishop. I still thought he was cute.)
Yes, I am evil. But I am not finished.
I also have questionable ties to a savings and loan association. When I was in high school, I was friends with the son of the owner of a credit union. One year I accepted money for playing the accordion at the company's Christmas party. I clearly got the job because of my association with the son, and yet I I had no reservations at all about taking the money. While I don't remember the exact amount I was paid, it could have been as much as $20.00.
Then there is the fact that I associated with other criminals. For a good part of my ninth grade year, I willingly attended history class every single day. Unfortunately, it turns out that the class was being taught by a burglar. One day the teacher didn't show up. He had been arrested and later went to prison. To show you how bad my judgment is, I actually liked this man. (I remember the day people were joking around about Rocky Mountain oysters, so I asked him what they were. He said, "Bull testicles." I was a little fuzzy about what "testicles" were, exactly, but I appreciated his forthrightness.)
I am still not finished. I have some family members with racist tendencies. I deplore those tendencies and speak out against them, but—I admit it—I still love these people for their good qualities. (And they do have them.) I have been known to attend family functions with these people. I have even been known to hug them on occasion.
And then there's the fact that a high school friend of mine dated an accused murderer. It turns out he didn't do it, but....well, you know....It's still true that I associated with someone who dated a man accused of murder.
Still not finished. This one is hard to admit, but I even have ties to a serial killer. I went to Sunday school for years with a guy who grew up to have a son who became a notorious mass murderer of women. True. And yet I didn't have the sense to foresee that.
I am unfit, clearly, to hold any kind of public office.